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I need a sugar daddy.  Not the candy. Someone who can help me out financially.  It would be a one-sided deal as I’m not very inclined to do for the opposite sex lately. But, if I were to write an advertisement, it would read:

Needed: Sugar Daddy. Low maintenance, high paying job, willing to fund my current and future lifestyle. No I will probably not make out with you, unless you are extremely good-looking.  If you are a gay man, all the better, I can be your “girlfriend” until you are ready to come-out to your friends and family (or if you are a conservative politician 😉 ).  Must be willing to attend social events and high-class functions. Also must be good with children and animals.

I’m not sure what high-class functions we would be attending, but it’s always good to err on the side of caution.

Bottom line: I am a horrible money manager.  I know all of the tricks and trades to finding money when there is none, but some of them are not legal and other’s will just plain get you into trouble.  That coupled with the fact I have no job and have been dragging my feet to apply to sub = I’m broke. The afore-mentioned tricks can no longer be used, hence, I need a sugar daddy.

Honestly, if you have money burning a hole in your pocket, you are more than welcome to send it my way.  Or if you have a job to offer I am totally willing to work for it. It would make things a lot easier than bringing a man into the mix.  I would really rather not have to go there, but if I must, I will.

P.S. One of my Facebook friends told me when posting “I need a sugar daddy…” I need to be more specific (ie am I talking about a man or the candy) because you could end up with some “effed up stuff in your mailbox”. So if you want to send cash or check, that works too. And if you know of any willing or available sugar daddies, send them my way. Hey, it can’t hurt to ask…

Ella and I went to our aunt and uncle’s house to clean this morning as we do every other week. At lunch time uncle R passed gas and blamed it on Ella, who had a good laugh about it.  About thirty seconds later their gas/carbon dioxide alarm began going off.  This was not the first time this had happened, and uncle R, being perplexed by these “false” alarms, went on to to check the reviews on their Kidde KN-COEG-3 Nighthawk Plug-In Carbon Monoxide and Explosive Gas Alarm with Battery Backup. It follows:

351 of 369 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This Is A Great Gadget If Enjoyed Properly, December 5, 2009
This review is from: Kidde KN-COEG-3 Nighthawk Plug-In Carbon Monoxide and Explosive Gas Alarm with Battery Backup (Tools & Home Improvement)

We began experiencing false alarms with this gadget at a disturbing rate. At first, we panicked, believing  that our lives might be in jeopardy at the time of each alarm. After “airing” the gadget out, we reset and reinstalled the gadget several times but it continued to give GAS alarms. Finally, we went online and read the reviews of this gadget and learned of its propensity to give “false alarms”. Particularly helpful was the family that reported that they had lovingly renamed the gadget their “FBT” – short for the “Fart Beepy Thing”. That gave us the idea for how to realize the true value of our very own FBT.

If you walk by the gadget and let one rip (i.e. backfire or blow mud), the gadget will go off in anywhere from 10-60 seconds and begin flashing the GAS alert. The length of time it takes to set the alarm off depends upon the severity of the individual air biscuit
that was released. From our experience, Sloppy Joe mud ducks are far worse than cheap beer stink bombs. The best part is that, after setting off the alarm, you can then press one of the buttons and the gadget will quantify your stink burger, giving you a numerical rating of the severity of the blast. From our experience, a 200 level rip reflects a modest beer blast, while a 218 level reflects a much more serious effort. So far, the best exterminator we have been able to register was a 221 beauty that surely resulted in a clothing change.

Just think of all the party and gaming opportunities this gadget presents. It is well worth the price of purchase as a party activity.

By the way, this gadget probably sucks as a life saving device because you have no way of distinguishing a routine doggy blaster from a more serious Natural Gas leak. We think a caged parakeet may be more reliable in this regard. When it stops chirping, you know to get the hell out of your house.

OMG, this is truly hilarious and I want one, if only for the fact that I will be able to tell who broke wind while standing next to it.  While I’m at it, I think I’ll buy one for Trisha also… her family would LOVE it… I envision games of who can get the highest explosive gas rating. Truly a life saving tool with a sense of humor… I highly recommend it…

I’m going to get out of this seat and do something today.  In all honesty it will probably be to go smoke a cigarette… but I swear I’m gonna do something!!!

I’ve been pretty boring lately…sorry bout that. Posts have all be kinda depressing-like.  I promise you I will not post again until I can write something amusing and full of life. If you haven’t noticed my nemesis depression has been visiting lately. I hate him, he’s such an ass, and yes, he’s a man because only a man can f**k with you like that.

So yeah… awkward… I’ll be back in a day or two…

I’m tired and stuck…but I’m still hopeful. I can’t seem to get enough sleep…but I stay up late at night. I need to do something…but my motivation has been non-existent lately.

Generally I work on a cycle. I go from being motivated, to waiting, to unmotivated, to motivated, to waiting… catch my drift? I have been spending too much time looking back these past few weeks.  I need to move forward, “keep swimming, keep swimming…” as Dory from Finding Nemo would say. Sometimes, though, I think it’s important to look back to see where you’ve been so you can decide where you want to be.

I have this idea… an idea of who I will be when I finally am in the place I want to be.  I have no clue as to where or what that is, but I hope for it often.  And I have a few things to say about it.

1. For all of the people who have written me off, I’m sad. I’m sad for multiple reasons, but mostly because I learned that in my narcissistic world, I don’t hold an important place in a lot of people’s lives and inmany of the places I’ve been.  Life keeps moving forward, whether you’re in a certain place or not.  People keep moving too, and are very unaffected by your absence. This is a good lesson for a person to learn, and the sooner the better, because you will then be able to let go of people a lot quicker instead of sitting around wondering why people don’t give a shit about you.  Because that’s the way the world works.  Most people don’t give a shit about anything that doesn’t directly involve themselves. And when push comes to shove, believe me, you know where you stand and who is in your corner.  Don’t think too much of yourself, because in the grand scheme of things, you’re nothing to a whole lotta people… I believe it’s called humility…

2. For those of you who think badly of me, don’t judge me too harshly.  I went through a lot of shit in life, as most people do. I’m not a “bad” person, I am just a person who has poor judgement and makes a lot of mistakes.  This is how I learn, through experience.  I’m going to have a shit load of character by the time I’m done. But my most sterling quality? I can admit when I’m wrong. At the same time my worst quality (for myself anyway) is I take the blame to quickly for things that aren’t necessarily my fault.

3. I want to be your friend so badly.  I know the “your” in this is subjective.  Let me tell you a brief story about myself.  I’m the type of person who will be watching TV, or listening to someone speak, or people watching, and I will suddenly exclaim, “I want to be her friend!” (I think I said this once about Amy Paul – the WMBD news anchor. I also feel this way about the Bloggess, Jenny Lawson 😉 ) Anyhow, yes I am that pitiful girl who just wants everyone to like her, who wants to be in the “in” crowd.  From junior high to motherhood, it’s followed me all the way.  This is just something I’m going to have to come to terms with. I will never be the person other people look at and say, “Gee she’s neat, I’d love to be friends with her! She is so strong and ________ (insert characteristic here), I want to be just like her.” (I know, so Leave it to Beaver right?)

4. I have been a horrible mother, and an insensitive teacher.  Those words may be too harsh, but in the last year I have lost much of my patience.  I want to treat others the way I want to be treated in return, but maybe I have been treating others the way I think I have been treated.  I want my patience back.  Actually, I’m not sure I ever had any patience, and if I had to bet on it, I would say this is the lesson God is trying to beat with a frying pan through my head right now. So I wait, patiently…

5. I want another opportunity to prove myself.  In work, family, relationships, friendships, all of it. However, after being through “the ordeal” as I’ve taken to calling it, I don’t think I will be able to trust people again.  I want to, and there are still some people I think I trust, but people are harsh and self-serving.  I assume the best of everyone and everyone doesn’t always give their best, nor do I. Therefore this will be a limited endeavor.

I don’t think I will ever be in a “relationship” again.  It is much easier being on your own, and my self-image is damaged.  I’m vain, I know, but so are a lot of other people.

So all of this being said, here is who I hope I become: A fun-loving person, slow to anger, patient and self-reliant. I hope to be a person who doesn’t rely on other’s for affirmation or permission.  I want to be self-sustaining and a person that other people look at and say, “Wow, look at where she’s been and where she is now, impressive. I want to be her friend…”

I figure all I have is time…. so until then I’ll just “keep swimming, keep swimming….”.

My morning was very low-key today, but picked up quickly by the time we went to pick Lainey up from school. Lainey will be seeing a new psychiatrist in another week and we had an initial parent meeting at 4pm, then rush home for the quickest dinner I think I’ve ever eaten, then a Brownie meeting at school at 6pm.  All of this was followed by a murderous homework session at 6:30 with full on whining and crying. (Probably due to the Adderall withdraws the doctor explained happened around 6-6:30 each day…wonderful!) Then the day ended with a full-out meltdown from the oldest which ended with me having to use my drill sargent voice to get her to stop shrieking so her sister and I could save our hearing for another few years.

Anyway…I really like the new shrink, I am totally a fan and truly believe everyone should have one at some point in their life.  Not at 7 necessarily, but whatever.  Dad was late so I took the liberty of filling her in on all of the wacky details we went through the last year.  It never gets old telling the story again (it’s like that old church hymn, “I Love to Tell the Story”, I’m totally singing it in my head right now) … more abbreviated as I go, but it never ceases to amaze me how people are still shocked when they first hear it.

I wanted to get it out-of-the-way before her dad got there, because I think it’s more difficult to talk about with both of us there, and I tend to gloss over the situation more because I don’t want to rock the boat, and dad tends to think it’s all completely normal, but she went though some really fucked up shit for a while there so for Lainey’s sake I think it’s time someone understood the complete story, even if her problems stem back further than that, it couldn’t have helped things any. Besides, when I expressed concerns to the last doc, he told me she was resilient, would bounce back, and I should watch what I say. I’m so tired of people making it out to be about me and what I say and do, while other people can go along and do whatever the hell they want. It must be friggin’ nice…

The funniest part of the entire thing was after I told her the story, she was all, “What about you??? Are you o.k.???”. It’s a funny question to hear because at this point I’m as o.k. as I’m going to be.  Not many people ask me anymore, and that’s fine, because I really don’t know what to say. Anywho… I really thing this one is going to work for Lainey. I’m hopeful, and that’s not something I’ve felt in a while. So all in all a good thing…

I woke up this morning much the same way I do every Monday, but as I was putting Lainey on the bus, I got an unexpected and scary text from my best friend.  It said:

T: Say a prayer for me. Doing 90. JR n boys car accident… no details just told to get there.

Wow, not sure what I was expecting when I woke up this morning, but definitely not that.  Now I try not to be a dramatic person or get caught up in the drama of other people’s lives, but these were people who had stood by me during the roughest points in my life this far and they all had a special place in my lives.  For a moment my breath was taken away, and then I thought, “Surely they are fine, right?”.

I texted her back and told her to let me know asap.  I was taking Ella to the babysitter’s anyway, so I figured if needed I could go help however I could.

T: JR and boys at OSF (hospital) boys ok not sure about JR.

Me: Do you need me to come?

T: It’s alright….maybe if you wanna…not sure how long gonna b there.

“Maybe if you wanna..?” Now I was worried, the woman who had always been  impervious and invincible, was for a moment in time, vulnerable. I was going to go, even though there probably wasn’t going to be anything I could do.  She had been there for me every time I had needed her. I was going to be there for her and her family. And, I could tell she was scared, she would need someone sane to be there…

After I dropped Ella off I randomly checked Facebook to see if anyone had posted anything about the accident, After all, I had no idea what to expect. Someone had posted pictures of the car and it was awful.

A picture of the car after it rolled 2-3 times off the side of the road. This is the baby's side of the car... notice the grass stuck in the top of the door, amongst other things...

When I got to the ER they were wheeling her oldest, five years old, in from x-ray.  He had a neck brace on and was as still as I’ve ever seen him.  JR looked dazed and had a couple of scratches on his head, and a sore back (luckily not the spine, just sore muscles).  As he recounted the accident the part that will stay with me for a long time was the part when he said after the rolling stopped he thought the boys had flown out of the car because they were so quiet.  He looked back and thankfully they were both still there, just staring at him.  He had to crawl out the back window and then pull the boys out.  The booster seat the oldest was in wasn’t even under him after all was said and done, but the youngest was still strapped in safe and sound and only got mad when his dad pulled him out.

I can’t even begin to imagine the terror that went through these parent’s minds. One as he was experiencing it, and the other driving back from work, not sure what she would find. I do know as a parent it’s your worst nightmare. But God sure was watching out for them today and I’m glad he did.

We all have a little joke about me being their family’s personal housekeeper because on the weekends I don’t have the girls I will go over and do their dishes and clean the kitchen. JR is Mexican, but he likes to call me Rosalita. (I prefer Risario, from Will and Grace.) I didn’t hear it at first when I came in with one of the ER nurses, but he said later that when the nurse brought me in he said, “It’s ok, she can come in, she’s our housekeeper.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure he was ok at that point. I got him his muscle relaxers and a Gatorade and called it even…

Hug your family a little closer tonight folks, and thank God they are safe!

Also, notice I posted a link above to ER the TV show, because it’s awesome and related to this post, along with Gatorade.


On a funnier note:

The girls and I were looking at the circular for the new Bass Pro Shop this morning before the bus came.  On one page they had binoculars and Lainey had asked what they were for.  I told her for bird watching.  Ella goes in her grandpa’s back room and comes back out with his binoculars and bird book.  She proceeds to open the book and look at the birds in it with the binoculars.  We had to explain she was suppose to look out the window with the binoculars and then use the book to find out what kind of bird they were. *slapping my face with hand*

I’ve come to the point in my blog where I want to introduce my best friend, Trisha.  (She already told me I can name her in my blog, so I am.) I love my best friend, but the funny thing about her is she doesn’t like to express emotion or feelings, not sappy one’s anyhow.  So………………… I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you! (and this is all in a completely platonic way…)

Trisha and me - Easter 2008

I’m pretty sure we’ve never even hugged before.  As a matter of fact, I remember an evening shortly after my husband had left me when I had the girls and I just couldn’t keep it together.  We had been up at the park and I remember automatically driving straight to her house from there.  When I walked in the door with the girls, tears streaming down my face, sniveling and snot nosed… she quickly directed my children and her’s to her son’s room. Her husband immediately assumed the job of comforter.  He gave me a big bear  hug and just held on to me for what seemed like five minutes.  The craziest part was this seemed completely normal to all of us that he would be the one to hug me while she stood by directing children.  It didn’t take her long to kick in and take control however, that’s Trisha. A take charge kind of girl…

Trisha is really a very complex person.  She would say she isn’t, but there are many layers to her. I could compare her to an onion, like Donkey does in Shrek, but I would describe her more like a seven layer salad.  I love seven layer salad, it’s so delicious… but I digress. Anyway, to know Trisha is to love her, or fear her… She is a loyal friend to the end (haha! I rhymed), but seriously…she is. She seems cold at first meeting, cold sounds harsh, but it is difficult to find a word that would describe her “top layer”. Maybe guarded, impersonal…  Yet, if you stick with her and dig in deeper, you will see she has rational to her views and thought processes.  You have to dig underneath all of the “toppings” to find what she is really about – lettuce, yep, she’s lettuce. No, not really, she’s so much more than just salad. This isn’t coming out right.

Let me start with how we met. Trisha and I met probably about eleven or twelve years ago.  Our friendship began over a discussion pertaining to a “mutual friend”.  Come to find out, neither one of us particularly appreciated this person to the extent they probably would have liked us to.  Anyway, our friendship grew slowly, but over the course of the following year it grew enough that we decided we would move into an apartment together.  This was big, especially for Trisha because she is such a creature of structure and routine.  (I am also, realized shortly after we began living together.) The next year was the best year of my entire life.  I look back at those days sometimes and think, “If only we could be back in our little apartment, sitting on the couch, watching French Kiss  or My Best Friend’s Weddingeverything would be right again. My world would realign and fall back into the rotation that it should be instead of spinning wildly out of control.” Shortly after, however, we both met our husbands, who were friends of each other, and then, we did what many friends do at that point in their lives, we went our separate ways.  Don’t get me wrong, we stayed close, but we moved on to have our own families, jobs, lives, etc.

Trisha and me - November 2008

Trisha and I have since been through all of our major “adult” life milestones together.  We would drift apart at times, but we always drifted back together. We were maids of honor at each other’s weddings. We helped move each other into homes. (Well, my husband did my part mostly the first time as I was on bed rest…but I helped with the second one.) She was there for me while my husband and I had our first child. The same period of time when my husband was drifting away from me, blaming me for being a narcosis; my life falling around my feet in shards of glass. Things got better of course and then Trisha had her first child.  I was honored enough to be present for the birth of both of her children. She was there for the birth of Ella. Although, with her second child I will forever have a different bond.  He came just a week before my life fell apart for real.  Being able to be a part of his life and spend well needed time with his family will always be my saving grace.

I love Trisha because she lives in reality.  Not the everything-is-going-to-turn-out-horrible reality, (which is what I generally turn to the minute something goes wrong) , just a you’re-going-to-have-to-do-a-bit-of-work-to-get-where-you-want reality. I am the type of person who isn’t necessarily naive, but I always want to expect the best out of everything. The world is a good place filled with well-meaning people who all care about each other, hopeful type of person. However, in contrast, my flip side generally expects the worst.  When things are spiraling out of control, or something absurd is happening right before our very eyes, all I have to do is look at Trisha and a secret message is sent between the two of us, “Are you fucking kidding me??? Yep, I’m pretty sure that just happened.” I have said before in The Divorce Instruction Book that I went crazy for a time during my divorce.  Trisha is one of the reasons I was able to come back to reality. She put it all into perspective for me, gave her two cents, let me do what I want, and really, has never said, “I told you so”. That’s why I love her, because even when I’m being a lasagna girl she gets it… (If you don’t know what a lasagna girl is, you will have to watch  Clerks to figure it out…)

Trisha had different personalities, and you know this if you’ve ever worked with her or been with her shortly after her work day. She can be incredibly serious, or incredibly hilarious, goofy, sarcastic, clueless, and even though she may not want you to know it, caring. You would never want to ride in the car with us together, because honestly you would think we hate each other. We bicker like little old ladies , then cackle and giggle because we think we are hilarious. Beside the fact that if we are in a heated Slug Bug contest you will just want to stay out-of-the-way. But Trisha is also extremely guarded.  If you don’t know her, she is difficult to read and doesn’t get very personal about her own life.  She is a master at keeping her personal life separate from everything else.  I envy this about her.

Trisha and me - July 2009

Whatever you say about Trisha, she has been the best friend a person could ask for during the past year of my life and I’m thankful for her everyday.  It couldn’t have been easy for her to have to deal with her own life much less my added baggage on top of it, but she never once acted as if she didn’t have time for me, or acted as if any of my “issues” were pointless or irrelevant.  Trisha keeps me in the groove of things, she taught me the mantra, “Get up, take a shower, go to work” when I didn’t think I could ever get up and do anything ever again.  She allowed me have pity parties for myself. She would say, “I give you today to throw yourself a pity party, then tomorrow you get up, take a shower, and go to work”. That was SO awesome.  I had the right, for one day, to have a pity party.  You have no idea how much I love to throw a pity party. ALOT…

Trisha and me - December 2010

Bottom line is, this probably hasn’t come out the way I wanted it to at all, but I am so happy to have a friend like her.  She has been more like a sister to me than a friend this past year, because I’m pretty sure she said some things friends wouldn’t say to each other, but sister’s would.  She’s been honest with me, but she has my back, and she’s helped recreate the person I am in the process of becoming again.  So if you did in fact read this Trisha, thanks. You have my undying gratitude and love (whether you want it or not), and my first-born if you ever decide you’d like another child… no, really…. she’s all yours…!

I’m feeling frustrated right now.  I’m sitting in the other room writing this because my 4 year old insists on watching the home movies from her sister’s early years.  This is after she asked me this morning if I missed daddy.  Then she said she missed the baby and wanted to see her. Then she wanted to call daddy and her step-mom because she missed them. This was the first time she’s ever requested to talk to her step-mom, and honestly, I found my breath slightly taken away when she said, “I love you” to her.  Don’t get me wrong, I want her to love her.  Then I know that she is loved back, and I would rather have that than a step-mom who resents her or finds her to “be in the way”. So yeah, I’m fine with that. But I’m her mom, and I don’t want anyone to lost sight of that. Apparently she has today though.

Anyway, back to the movie. I don’t really want to sit and watch these movies because 1) we’ve watched them thousands of times already, and 2) I don’t want to watch something that shows that I thought I was happy, but things weren’t what they seemed.  As much as I hate to admit it, I miss my old life.  There, I said it. I miss it. 

I don’t know if it’s possible for a four year old to try and get a rise out of her mother, but that is sure in the hell what if feels like today.  At least I can vent here, and not take it out on her and then feel guilty about it later. I suppose it never gets easier, you get through one thing and then on to the next. Anyway, just wasn’t expecting it, thought we were back in the groove…. C’est la vie…

There is no instruction book for going through a divorce.  Believe me, I searched…and searched… and searched. Maybe it’s because every end to each relationship is different.  I have yet to find another person ( Elin Nordegren Woods was close, but I’m not her personal friend, so it’s hard to say) who has gone through the same divorce I did. And I’m sure there are millions of people who feel the same way. That’s why it is such a lonely thing to go through, besides the fact that you are losing your best friend and someone you loved. If you find yourself in the same situation I did, seemingly happily married, but your husband had been cheating on you for years, there are a few pointers I would like to give you.

1. You are going to go crazy. I mean psycho crazy.  Not your normal everyday crazy. Now I am a bit crazy to begin with, but with this situation you can find yourself crossing a line… To those people who stood by me during my crazy period, thank you.  You will never know how much it means to me that you stood by, listened and watched, and yet don’t hold that against me today.  There is no one that can stop this crazy from coming out and many times much of the crazy you feel you are is all in your head. Yeah, other people don’t always see it.  Crazy right? My point exactly…

2. If your situation is similar to mine, you will be dealing with this sudden unexpectedness, and immediately become a single parent, all alone, on your own.  The other person is going to be investing their time into saving the other relationship. They are not currently invested in what you or the children are going through. (Sidebar: My children’s father is an involved and loving father, but it took him some time to get his shit together, if you know what I mean.)  You need a support group, family, friends. I would say co-workers, but let’s hold off on that one, I’m getting there…

3.  Do NOT, under any circumstances, take your shitty baggage to work with you.  Best case scenario you have some time you can take off, especially if you are dealing with the general public or are in a service field.  I can’t tell you how many people forcefully encouraged me to go back to work, like the same week it happened. Being around people is all well and good, but you really need to take some time for yourself to get yourself in a better place. There are always people that are willing to be with you if need be, but NOT at work. More than likely, in the end, you will be without a job…

4. People will be supportive at first.  Your true friends will be supportive the ENTIRE way through. There are people who will keep their distance. They don’t know what to say or do for you.  Don’t be offended, and pray that it never happens to them.

5. Accept that no matter what you did before, or what you do in the present and future, you will most likely be in the wrong. I’m talking about your ex and those who don’t get what you are going through. Your ex wants nothing to do with working it out, he could give two shits about what you are feeling or what you are going through. If you feel the need to vent at him, go ahead, but realize it is NOT going to make a difference in the end and will either A.) be thrown back in your face or B.) cause him to treat you as if you are the only crazy on the planet.

6.  Get yourself a good shrink, and expect to be in it for the long haul.

7. Expect to be doing a lot of the explaining and excuse making about what happened in your relationship. Your ex will be focusing on the next one and not have time to go through it with your friends.

8. Expect to question the very existence of your being. You will question yourself, what you did wrong, what you could have done to stop this or to make your husband happier.  You will feel like the worst parent in the world.  You will be blamed by the other person in the very same breath they use to say “it’s me, not you.” They will not understand why you can’t just accept the situation and move on.

9. This is a biggie: Expect everyone to question what you are doing with your children.  No lie, I took my oldest to a psych and at the parent meeting, with my ex in the room with us, I asked about the speed with which everything was moving.  The girlfriend, moving in with here, the girls staying with them – all before the divorce was final, the impending marriage, the baby coming. As an adult I couldn’t wrap my head around it all, let alone a 7 and 3 year old.  I was told (for serious people) “Kids are resilient, divorce doesn’t effect them as much as people think.  What is more important is how you are handling this, how you talk to them, how you react to what their father is doing. That is what can be harmful.” For serious buddy? Yeah, I didn’t really like him from that point forward.  Something, a certain Je sais pas, didn’t sit well with me. It was almost as if my husband had gotten to him first, talked to him, guy to guy. “Hey buddy, I got this thing going, I really need to focus on it, my ex is gonna be all “up in my grill about it”… ya think you could help me out?”

Granted, I was going through my crazy spurt at this point, so maybe I blew it all out of proportion, but seriously the gist I got out of it was, “Ah, their gonna be alright, no real lasting affects, kids turn out normal from divorce all of the time. Just watch what YOU say, K?”

10. Expect to lose a lot. I lost my entire life, other than my children, which I thank God for everyday. I have my family and I know who my real friends are.  I know where I stand in life, and after all of this, I am glad I do. One of the hardest things you will lose, almost instantly, is his family.  That is the hardest part.  No more holidays, cookouts, laughing, breakfasts, hanging out – all gone, in one moment. Your children will be with your ex and his family for holidays and birthdays, and you will no longer be a part of it.

(Sidebar: I don’t even know what my kids get for Christmas and birthdays.  Most of it never comes home, they could have a full wardrobe there and I would never know it.  The girls have bikes and a Barbie dream house at their dad’s, hell, they have their whole old house, all of the perks I wish I could give them, but I can’t, and I’m glad their dad and his family can, even if the girls get angry at me occasionally and throw it back in my face.)

Yeah, there’s probably a lot more, but those are the main things.  I hope no one else I know ever has to go through what I did, but if you do, come sit down next to me….If ya haven’t got anything nice to say… 😉

Going good. Poop keeps coming up. Like when I was at my friend’s house this weekend and her one year old took my computer hostage and typed “POOP99999999999999999999999”, and then again today when Ella could talk of nothing else but bird poop. Even saw this pic posted on a friends Facebook page:



Other than that, pretty normal. Football Saturday morning, tea party Saturday afternoon, then friend’s house. Sunday church, picnic, Marigold Festival, hours of Business 115 homework and quiz.

OH! Can I give a HUGE shout out to my mom, who, miraculously, let me do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING yesterday! She even was home with a sore back all day and never ONCE hounded me about doing anything.  Beautiful day, thanks mom, love you!

Girls came back today, I enjoy the break from being a single, full-time parent, but I am always glad to have them back. They keep it interesting and give me a purpose. Sorry, not too fun, I’m kinda sick with this sinus thing going on… I have a post in the making, but I’m so foggy right now, may in a couple of days.

By the way, my friend that I was discussing business with this weekend… she’s not that bitter, not about business anyway. She’s kinda like a tree-hugger hippie.  Totally not for the cold-hearted corporate world, but she makes it work, ya know? And yes, I can hear you Trisha, “not about business anyway????”. Well you ARE bitter about some things. You’re a girl aren’t you? Jk, I love you!

Ok, I gotta go, this isn’t working for me tonight…. Next time, play-ahs.