C’est la vie….
I’m feeling frustrated right now. I’m sitting in the other room writing this because my 4 year old insists on watching the home movies from her sister’s early years. This is after she asked me this morning if I missed daddy. Then she said she missed the baby and wanted to see her. Then she wanted to call daddy and her step-mom because she missed them. This was the first time she’s ever requested to talk to her step-mom, and honestly, I found my breath slightly taken away when she said, “I love you” to her. Don’t get me wrong, I want her to love her. Then I know that she is loved back, and I would rather have that than a step-mom who resents her or finds her to “be in the way”. So yeah, I’m fine with that. But I’m her mom, and I don’t want anyone to lost sight of that. Apparently she has today though.
Anyway, back to the movie. I don’t really want to sit and watch these movies because 1) we’ve watched them thousands of times already, and 2) I don’t want to watch something that shows that I thought I was happy, but things weren’t what they seemed. As much as I hate to admit it, I miss my old life. There, I said it. I miss it.
I don’t know if it’s possible for a four year old to try and get a rise out of her mother, but that is sure in the hell what if feels like today. At least I can vent here, and not take it out on her and then feel guilty about it later. I suppose it never gets easier, you get through one thing and then on to the next. Anyway, just wasn’t expecting it, thought we were back in the groove…. C’est la vie…