I think it’s time I tell you my secret. I’m not proud of it, but it’s happened, and so now I must own up to it. I have several different persona’s in my life… but the one I am most ashamed of is my alter-ego Rosilita.
Rosalita came about shortly after my divorce and as a result of my increased close relationship with my best friend’s family. It started innocently enough. On one of my Saturday visits to their house, I started doing their dishes, then cleaning the kitchen. Then it grew into a “deal” of sorts. If I came and did the dishes, I would be provided with a wonderfully cooked meal in return. Then the heckling began.
They began to call me Rosalita and pretend I was their housekeeper. I would complain about the dishes not being rinsed off, and my friend would say to her husband, “Do you hear something? I think she’s talking again. Remind me to lower her wages.” Then they would encourage their oldest child to refer to me as Rosalita. He would say to me, “Rosalita, go do your job.”
Occasionally I would fill in other positions as well, nanny, chauffeur, kind of a jack-of-all-trades. Anytime I tried to assert my presence in the cleaning arena or “teach” them to do it on their own, they would threaten to pull my green card. I don’t really know if they understand I’m not Mexican. I am for reals a citizen of the United States.
I think of this because I went to their oldest’s birthday party tonight at a restaurant in town, and while I was there I proceeded to clean up the “craft” table after everyone was done eating. It was like second nature. I’m not sure I get it, or understand why it happens, but it’s weird, in an Alfred Hitchcock kind of way. Not quite as horrifying as The Birds, but more in a crazy Twilight Zone kind of way.
I find it amusing that said friend wants me to “get a backbone” so to speak, and in the same breath asks, “Are you going to do those dishes out there?” A week or so ago I was over for” my weekend” (we have taken to calling it my visitation weekend with them, more for the sake of their oldest, who always asks on Friday night if I’m spending the night, because, hey, logically it seems weird that I leave at 11pm and I’m back by 8am, but hey, it’s a weird set up to say the least…) anyway… I was over at their house and she asked if I were going to do the dishes. I mumbled something, but I didn’t get them done before I left. A couple of days later she texts me and asks (in a joking, but not so joking manner) if I want to come over and do them, because her husband told her something had to be done about them. I of course offered to go do them the next day, and this all seems normal to everybody. Except maybe her husband who just looks at her and shakes his head…
I really don’t mind doing it, however, the dinner “paybacks” aren’t quite up to the same high standards they once were (or maybe they just got tired of having steak every other weekend…), it makes me feel needed in a way. Like I have a “purpose” when the girls aren’t around. I suppose this is our own strange version of “backwardsland”. Although, I’m sure we get a lot of weird looks when we go on our “family” shopping trips to Walmart on the weekends. Then it looks like polygamy or something I’m sure… I bet their kids are going to be f-ed up…. Consider this an early apology….
PS – I’m telling this all in a most humorous mood, so DON’T go getting all mad at me because of anything I said, friend. It’s all in good fun, or at least it’s all taken in good fun. It’s in good fun, right??? Crap…
A message from “The Family”:
Your “friends family” (hereby known as The Family) would like to release the following comments:
1. You started in the summer, which everyone knows is grilling out season. Of course there would be more steak in the summer. The Chef was concerned immensely about the sub-parness of the food as of late. He will either be having a full on mental break-down in the kitchen soon (and will need time off) or he will be quitting his job. For your sake, I do hope you realize the secondary chef will be absorbing his duties and realize there may be a taste adjustment period for yourself and The Family.
2. Perhaps the advice about getting a backbone and the polar opposite statements of “uhm, are you going to do those dishes,” is for the backbone to begin it’s long journey of growing. You see, until said backbone is grown and able to stand on it’s own in any situation, the dishes still need done. The youngest members of the household are not yet of age to able to perform these tasks, seeing how they still use wooden spoons as swords and various banging apparatuses, “drumsticks” at any given moment.
3. The Family would also like you to take this forum and explain the “wife-partner” concept to the audience. This, in theory, should explain the whole relationship. Please be sure to explain the non-existence of the so-called perks in the “partner-ship.”
(except for the Chef, as he is on leave at this time.)